Unemployment Watch Day 14: An In Depth Analysis of Selected Selfies

Anyone who reads this blog regularly or has spoken to me for more than 30 seconds knows out of all the topics in the world there is one subject that interests me above all others: Myself.

You may not already know this but I am terribly interesting. 

KRL Fun Fact Cheat Sheet 

  1. Pissed her pants at a Weezer concert at Jones Beach when she was 12.
  2. Once told Peter Serafinowicz where the pizza was.
  3. Injures herself comically two to three times daily.
  4. Hates your shoes.
  5. Is scared of spiders outside yet owns two tarantulas.
  6. Cried for a 24 hour period of time after meeting Blink-182 in 2004.

Wow! what an awfully fascinating and complicated person. One way I express to the world how cool I am is the art of selfies. A lot of boring people like to hate on selfies, saying they are vain and insipid. People who say these things also hate fun and probably have a lot of opinions on the TV show "Bones". As a woman I am constantly dealing with other people's (i.e.: men's) gazes and how they decide to define me. By taking photos of myself I am taking the lens away from others and casting myself as I see my own person: boss as fuck.

So without further ado, I give you my own in depth analysis of some selected selfies dated 2013-15. All pictures are culled from my (super dope) Ig account: OhhelloKatieRose . ENJOY

  

Title: Unapologetic Ugly Dog Sweater Realness

This photo has a lot going on. The composition is laid out in thirds, in order to maximize the amount of dope shit you see in the shot. First you have me, doing the now patented "dog with a flat face half tongue" look. This sweater was gifted by my dearly departed and talented friend Catherine Peach. I believe this sweater now to be haunted, but like in a good way. Like whenever I put it on I find quarters on the ground and someone tells me I look like a heroine in a John Hughes movie. (Because I am) After you are dazzled by my amazing dog sweater your eyes move to the background. "Aw dang look at that Lisa Simpson head and all those cool comic book!" The struggle to not fall in love with me is real. Thats why I try to blow my nose in public as much as possible. To give the swelling hearts of men a chance to catch their breath.

  

Title: Do I look Like Margot Tenenbaum Right Now?

A similar shot as the first but with one important difference: I kinda got a Margot Tenebaum thing going on. Also an important note, prior to 2014 how much eye shadow I was wearing was an accurate indicator of how depressed I was. In this photo we are at what is called a "Code Red". Nobody wanted to hug me but everyone wanted to touch my coat. Don't worry, my boyfriend and I break up soon after this and I can stop relying on coats to make friends.

Title: I Fell Down.

This selife is what the art world calls a "psychological self portrait". A psychological self portrait is not necessarily supposed to be an accurate depiction of your self image, rather a display of your emotional undercurrent at that time. The feelings I was having during this time was "I really don't want to build this fucking bookshelf by myself." and "I wonder If i take this picture looking cute and indicate I have booze someone will offer to do it for me" Fun Fact #7: it worked.

Title: I RODE A FUCKIN' BIKEEEEEE!!!@!@!*&!@!#

Now here is an action shot if there ever was one. See your old pal Katie in a rare moment of curated vulnerability. The shot may be staged but the asthma attack is real! Good people of the pacific north west I present to you KRL fun fact #8: I did not learn how to ride a bike until 4 years ago. I was 23. Here is the thing though: it turns out in order to find love in the grater Portland area you either need to be able to ride a bike or be into professional soccer. ("Katie what about rock climbing?" True, but I am not even going to entertain that thought for a second, I like my creative weenier men to be mainly terrestrial.) ANYWAY I went with bicycles because it seemed the less annoying of the two (but not by much). Here is a rare event were I actually tried to ride a bike anywhere other than in a middle school parking lot at night. The show I biked to let me do a 10 minute guest set because "you look so mad!".

 

  

Title: No Makeup. 

We out here, walking amongst the leaves, just thinking about death!

 

 

 

 

      

Title: Political Dissent In The Streets, Patriot In The Sheets.

I bought a pretty cool bead spread and thought of a pretty cool one liner. My eye liner is on point and hair is on point and now you are thinking about smoking pot with me in this bed. I am a social media witch.

 

   

Title: The Guilt Trip.

Once a year I get the gift of getting white guilt to work for me instead of just dolling it out like the caricature of a caucasian lefty feminist social media bullshitter I am. A famous catch phrase of mine during the winter holidays is "HAPPY HANUKKAH YOU ANTI-SEMITES" This photograph depicts the dichotomy of appreciating my heritage yet knowing that I am really just a white person but for some reason still have to deal with blonde women saying stuff to me like "Well you understand! This is my little girl last year, you know, with the whole Santa Claus thing." or a neck beard in a fedora saying "Don't jew me on this!". I am half Italian so this martyrdom is self inflected, but boy does it feel so superior! 

  

Title: White Girls With Cellphones

This is one of multiple shots in my "Hey look at me all causal just hanging out but seriously look at my stomach don't you just want to smooch it?!" series.  This shot is a complicated nuanced commentary on youth culture and the dangers of holding in your pee too long. Mainly it appears that I am a pretty cute summer goth hanging out in a set piece from the 1997 cult movie "Nowhere". This picture implies that I go out, have fun, and drink enough to get weird but not too much that I can not operate a cellphone semi-responsibly.  

 

  

Title: Hanging Out With My Boyfriends.

Haha! You guys! I am not really dating a bunch of arcade cabinets! I am just trying to get someone to give me free Super Nintendo games! ( it didn't work.)

 

 

       

  

Title: Fashion Blogin'

It is important as an artist to express myself everyday. A way I can do this without being one of those nightmare people who are constantly singing show tunes everywhere they go is through fashion. Here is a classic KRL look, which I have affectionately named "But, like, how old are you really?". I took this photo after an audition for something I knew I would not land, but it didn't matter because I am nailing the part of someone "super killing it at life". Try this self actualization practice. Dress yourself in your favorite outfit. Stand in the mirror. Take your photo. Look yourself dead in the eye and say "Nailed it." You are now officially unstoppable.

 

  

Title: You Canceled. 

O. You canceled our plans? Cool. Whatever. Just laying here with my stomach out. WHATEVER. WHO CARES. NOT ME.

 

 

 

    

  

Title: My Life.

Truth is everyone my life is awesome. I get to tell jokes, I dress super well, and my friends are way more attractive than yours. Gaze upon my selfies and let that feeling of FOMO fill your souls. Don't tell your self that "it's all in your head". You are in fact, missing out. Look how fucking hard I am killing it everyday! Step your Life game up, and maybe I will like something of yours on Instagram. Until then, just be jealous. 

 

xo.