Unemployment Watch Day 05: The Institute of Katie Sciences' Friday Presentation

Every Friday I am going to make a presentation of some new research from the Institute of Katie Sciences. Its summer time here at the institute and we decided to have a little fun. Playing KRL The Emotionally Unavailable Manic Pixie Dream Girl bingo is enjoyable and easy. Just follow these simple instructions and rules. Don't forget, have fun!

  1. Save our bingo card to your desktop or mobile device.
  2. Call your one friend up who actually still owns a printer and ask if you can print just like, this one thing. Please? PLEASE? If your friend is being a total douche knocker then suck it up and go to the Fedex-Kinkos. They are open 24-7 so you can do it whenever and its located  by both a Chipotle and a Tacobell, Make it a day!
  3. Join OKCupid and find Katie's profile. The less content on her profile the longer she has been a member. If she has started writing stuff like "Known feminist killjoy so fuck off if that bothers you" or " Must be Paul Rudd" you better proceed with caution. There is a chance that Katie has gotten sick of online dating because she has been eating regularly and realized that she doesn't need YOUR FUCKING APPROVAL. In this instance you are going to have to show up at one of her shows. Usually the host will say her twitter or give you enough information to find her on Facebook. For bonus points after she gets off stage, stand close to her and mouth breathe, but don't actually approach her to talk! She might evaporate or turn to stone or something. Just keep standing there.....staring.
  4. Send her a message. Do not say something like "You are pretty funny I guess" or "I really like your shorts". Do mention how cool you think she is or something about thinking she is interesting. Do not say you want her to read your screen play/poetry/view a video project/show you around open mics/dissertation on the need for better bike lanes in developing neighborhoods/improv anything. If she replies "I don't know you." good job! You are in! If she doesn't know you she technically can't hate you yet!
  5. Go on a date. She will probably cancel several times before actually agreeing to meet you. She is either involved with multiple people already or she thinks you are a creep but is too passive and codependent to let you know. If you are not persistent she will forget about you, but if you are too persistent she will write a blog about how fucking PRIVILEGED FUCKING MEN ARE WHY DO THEY THINK WE OWE THEM OUR TIME FOR FUCK SAKE where you have a dumb fake name. Repeat two or three times.
  6. Congrats, you are now dating Katie Rose Leon. I mean, causally, whatever we don't need to put a label on this right? I mean what does dating mean even? Whatever. Anyway, you can now start filling out your bingo card. Each time Katie does something or you find yourself saying something on the card mark it down.
  7. Get five in a row and you get BINGO!

You win: A sad confusing story you will tell to your friends in a bar late at night!

xo.

 

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